Anticipatory grief
Preparing emotionally
You cannot rehearse grief away. You can reduce the number of things left undone, unsaid and unarranged.
CaregiverFamilyPatient
The four things people wish they had done
- Said the important things while conversation was still possible.
- Asked the questions only that person could answer.
- Recorded the voice, the stories, the recipes.
- Sorted the practical and legal matters early, so the last weeks were not spent on paperwork.
Prepare yourself, not just the arrangements
- Decide who you will call in the first hour afterwards.
- Tell your employer roughly what is coming.
- Identify who will look after the children, the pets, the house.
- Line up your own support — a counsellor, a group, one friend who will still be there in month six.
- Notice what you are already leaning on too heavily: alcohol, work, isolation.
Ask the medical team directly
- What are the likely last weeks and days going to look like?
- What symptoms should we expect, and what is the plan for each?
- Who do we call at 3am?
- Where can they be cared for — home, hospice, hospital — and what would each involve?
- What happens immediately after a death at home?
Where to go next
Afya Companion offers education and self-help support. It does not diagnose, treat or replace care from your doctor, nurse, psychologist or dietitian. If something in your health changes, speak to your care team.