Loss & bereavement
Children's grief
Children grieve in short bursts between play. That is not shallowness — it is how a young nervous system survives a large loss.
FamilyCaregiver
What children need
- Honest, concrete words: 'died', not 'lost' or 'gone to sleep'.
- The three reassurances: it was not your fault, you cannot catch it, you will be looked after.
- Permission to play, laugh and be normal without being told they must be sad.
- Repeated chances to ask the same question again as they grow.
- To be included in rituals if they wish, prepared in advance for what they will see.
By age
- Under 5: does not grasp permanence; asks repeatedly when the person is coming back. Repeat calmly.
- 5–8: understands permanence; may believe something they thought or did caused it. Say explicitly that it did not.
- 9–12: wants facts and may worry about who else will die. Answer honestly.
- Teenagers: may hide grief from adults, grieve through friends or risk-taking, or become the family's carer. Keep the door open without demanding they walk through it.
Warning signs
- Grief that stops school, friendships or eating for weeks.
- Self-harm, or talk of joining the person who died.
- Persistent regression or new severe anxiety.
- A child who has become the household's emotional adult.
Where to go next
Afya Companion offers education and self-help support. It does not diagnose, treat or replace care from your doctor, nurse, psychologist or dietitian. If something in your health changes, speak to your care team.